Coworker refuses every invitation for after-work social hangs, then throws a fit when she starts getting excluded: 'Jess it's just common sense, grow up'

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Aug 3, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

This woman found a way to completely dissolve whatever semblance of a friendly relationship she had with her coworkers after continually bailing on group outings, only to find out that her actions would result in the consequential end of their invitations. Because when you say "No" enough times, you can count on the invitation train to stop running. 

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    via fizkes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Colleagues don't always get along, but when they do, commiserating in the workplace forges an unbreakable bond that can last a lifetime. However, the opposite effect can occur when you have an unfriendly coworker, driving a wedge between your professional relationship that makes you wrinkle your nose at their approach and dread the pleasantries exchanges in your cubicle. 

  • AITA for not inviting my coworker to group outings and telling her to grow up when she complained about not being invited So I'm a 28-year-old guy and I work in a pork factory. Every now and then,
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  • maybe once or twice a month, a bunch of us will go out for drinks, dinner, or some kind of outing just to unwind. Our work doesn't really do anything for us besides a BBQ every six months. No Christmas parties or anything. They just hand out a free leg of ham for Christmas but honestly, I'm not complaining. I love ham.
    via International-Fig780
  • Anyway, there's one co-worker we've stopped inviting to these outings let's call her Jess (not her real name). The reason? Every time we invited her, she'd always say no. And after hearing "nah, I'm not coming" like ten times in
    via International-Fig780
  • a row, we just stopped asking. It wasn't malicious. It just felt like she wasn't interested, and we didn't want to keep bugging her. That said, we have noticed when we are out that she likes to post on Facebook about how she's lonely and that no one ever wants to hang out with her, which kinda felt like a dig at us.
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  • Last week, a few of us were talking at lunch about our latest outing dinner at a new Thai place. Jess overheard us and immediately started sulking. Then she blurts out, "You guys never invite me to anything. I'm always the one left out." I rolled my eyes and tried to explain.
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  • "Jess, we stopped inviting you because you always say no. We figured you weren't interested." But she kept going on about how it was "mean" and "exclusionary," and accused us of purposely leaving her out.
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  • So finally, I said, "Look, if you say no every single time, don't act surprised when people stop asking. It's not personal, Jess it's just common sense Grow up."
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  • After I said that, she looked like she was about to cry, then ran off to the women's bathroom. Some of my co- workers said I was too harsh. Others thought I was right to call her out. j But I don't know what to feel was I the
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    via Jacob Lund

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  • A pity invite isn't a real invitation to hang out. At a certain point, social obligation runs out, and suddenly, the politeness of your coworkers will dry up. If your friendship isn't reciprocated outside of the workplace, why should your coworkers have to chase you down? This woman obviously just wanted to feel important by declining every outing—that is, of course, until she started getting intentionally left out. 

  • RaistlinWar48 You said the quiet thing out loud. NTA, but gonna get some pushback from the drama crowd.
    via RaistlinWar48
  • Far_Satisfaction_365 ⚫ NTA. Your comment pretty much just called it like it is. She never accepted your invites to join in. Once you stopped asking, she turned it into an opportunity to play the victim card, making it look like she was intentionally being left out, all for sympathy.
    via Far_Satisfaction_365
  • It's even possible that she's made posts in the past about being left out of everything, even back when you were still inviting her, or at least griping to family or non work friends about it.
    via Far_Satisfaction_365
  • 3bag So invite her to the next outing. This way she can't take it to HR that you're creating hostility.
    via 3bag
  • bmw5986. NTA. I generally have a 3 strike rule. I will invite you 3 times to hang out then im done. It doesn't matter what the reason or excuse was. You want in after that, then its on you to ask about plans. From there, I need to see you make the effort at least 3 times. If Jess is lonely, thats on her. She sounds like a lot of effort and drama.
    via bmw5986
  • Mrchameleon_de NTJ. She just wanted to be catered to and wants the performative invite. I have absolutely no problem with your reaction nor your response.
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  • Liu1845. Always turned down when you all issue an invite, then castigated when you stop inviting her. Professional Victim, that girl. NTJ, on this on any other planet.
    via Liu1845
  • Normal-Wish-4984 Eye rolling and telling someone to "grow up" are not kind actions. Those actions made the interaction too harsh like your coworkers told you. Telling Jess that she always says no, so you stopped asking was fine.
    via Normal-Wish-4984

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